i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
