we're blogging at a bar
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
