I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
