we have officially lost it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
