Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
