I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
