Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
