They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
