I hate your face
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
how drunk are you?
Several
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize