you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
