I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
