Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Enjoy the penises
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
