Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
