im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
