Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
