my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
