She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
