Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
