I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
