I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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