I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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