i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
