I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
