who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
