I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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