Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
