Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
