if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
