Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
