Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
