if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
