the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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