ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
