OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
