I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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