so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
