she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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