I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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