the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
