theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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