He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
