if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
