I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
