I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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