my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
