At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
