dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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