So drunk its hurt
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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