Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
