My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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