You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
