wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
