Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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