Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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