I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
