Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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