i think i have herpe
just one?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
