they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
