Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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