He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
