So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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