he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We left the knife in your bed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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