My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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