Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
