The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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