If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
