Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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