I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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