You made me cry and you don't even care
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
