I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
