Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
