SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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