i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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