I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize