She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
