He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
