just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
