Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
