Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
