I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
