Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
