He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
