but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
