I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
