Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
