Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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