she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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