R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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