Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize