She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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