remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
