guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
