I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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