My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
