If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
