But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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