Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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