Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
